Random

I've won 2 chili competitions with a recipe I made up the night before the first competition. 

I take most of my showers in the dark and have since I was about 11.

I love churches. The older, the better. 

I love cemeteries. The older, the better. 

I watch doll repaint videos to relax. 

Great British Bake Off is one of my favorite shows and I wish I could compete on there. 

I like ketchup, tomato soup, tomato juice and cooked tomatoes but despise raw tomatoes. 

I didn't eat onions until I was 20. Now it's all onion, all the time. 

My dream vacation would be Norway, Sweden and Switzerland. 

I used to have gerbils, rats and mice (domesticated) as pets until I had Melanie. After giving birth, my allergies changed and I'm now very allergic to all types of rodents and unfortunately bunnies. ☹️

My favorite place I've ever lived is Clayton, NY. 

My dream is to own a ton of land to foster lots of animals. Specifically, I want all the dogs, cats (even though we are all allergic), Pygmy goats and horses. 

Growing up until about the age of 16, I wanted to be a vet. After that I wanted to be an English/ history teacher. 

Growing up, summer was my favorite time of year because of the library's book sale. I would come home with huge bags of books, mostly RL Stine (his Fear Street series) and Christopher Pike. 

I love, love, love to travel but have a very intense fear of flying. 

I've had one major "paranormal" experience in my life. I was 14 and I was going through my closet late at night. Suddenly, right in my ear, I heard someone say my name. Outwardly, I didn't react. I just froze and then calmly walked out of my room. According to a psychic, it was an ancestor on my dad's side reaching out to me. 

That same house (my parent's) is also the only place I have ever experienced sleep paralysis. 

That same psychic told me in past lives that I've been a mathematician (LMAO) and that I drowned. 

Hallmark Christmas movies are my favorite.

My favorite movie and book of all-time is Gone With The Wind. 

My first dog was an Airedale Terrier named Maxim DeWinter of Manderley. Bonus points if you know where that's from. Hint: another favorite book and movie

My first tattoo was a pink star on my right shoulder when I was 18. I always forget I have it. 

I am borderline obsessed with candles and socks. They are always wanted, needed and appreciated. 

I have an absurd makeup collection despite hardly ever wearing it anymore. 

When Ryan and I had been dating for a few weeks, we had plans to go see Finding Nemo. I remember showing up at his house and when he opened the door and smiled, my stomach flip flopped upside down. I'd never felt anything like it before. 💜

We had only been dating a little less than 9 months when we got married. 

We were married in the backyard of a family friends house in jeffersonville. It was June and it was blazing hot. 

Our wedding colors were pink and black. (We were 20, give us a break!)

We have ZERO photos of just us at our wedding but you can bet your ass the pastor that we had just met the night before, is in just about every single one.

I don't like scary movies or TV shows. I used to love being scared as a child but now I'd rather watch a good ol' romantic comedy.

Love,

Emily

Brain Pain

11 Things Migraine Sufferers Are Tired of Hearing - Buzzfeed

I had my first migraine when I was pregnant with Isabella and have suffered from them ever since.

We were living in Clayton, NY. Ryan was gone to work and I had just dropped Melanie off at school. I came back home and started feeling sick to my stomach...I didn't think anything of it because I was about 4 months pregnant at the time. Then came the most crippling head pain I had ever experienced. I had headaches pretty normally throughout my life but this was not a headache. This was debilitating. This was during the days when cell phones weren't as common as they are now and I had no way of getting a hold of Ryan. I somehow managed to crawl out of bed and drive up to the community center (we lived in Army housing) and get myself a Coke from the vending machine. My body told me I needed caffeine. I drank the Coke and laid back down, crying my eyes out and thinking I was dying of a brain aneurysm...until I woke up a few hours later and I felt fine. And that was the beginning of my migraine story.

Since then I have suffered from "regular" migraines and ocular migraines. Sometimes I get lucky and have about one a month and sometimes I go months in a row where I have many migraines very close together. I have not been able to determine any triggers. I don't get any warning signs from my body. Sometimes I can tell the difference between what is just a normal headache and what will turn into a a migraine...usually my migraines are accompanied by some serious nausea.  I rarely take my prescription medications for them anymore because it doesn't help. The only thing that gets rid of my migraines is sleep or a toradol injection if it lasts longer than a day.

I've tried almost everything except the tragus ear piercing.

My migraine routine: I first try to fall asleep but without the help of medicine I'm usually in too much pain to sleep so then I put my ice pack head wrap on. Then I end up sitting on the shower floor and let the water beat on top of my head. I will usually do the shower routine two or three times. My family knows when I have a migraine that I will need access to the bathroom at all times. I'm not sure why I do this but I do. EVERY TIME. I chug Gatorade, I lay in bed on my knees and smash my head into the pillow or headboard as hard as I can.  If Ryan is home - I make him squeeze my head. Then I'll take my nausea medication - I don't like to take it because the next day my entire body is sore to the touch and I just feel really out of it. I try my "yoga" breathing. Really, as I've said, the only thing that makes them go away is sleep.

And people that don't suffer from migraines just don't get it - they assume you just have a "headache," and think you're a big cry baby and overdramatic. I consider myself to have a pretty high pain tolerance and will suffer in silence as long as I can but I will admit defeat when it comes to migraines. They kick my ass.

Pretty random post but I had a pretty bad migraine this past weekend and when I saw this Buzzfeed post, every item I read, I was like YAAAAAAAAAAAAAS THATS ME!

Love,

Emily

Valentine's Day Schmalentine's Day

I saw one of my Facebook friends, Ema, post this on her page and thought I would do it over here on my blog in honor of Valentine's Day.

Who's older? Him

Who was interested first? Him

How long have you been together? 14 years in August

Married? Yes

More sarcastic? it's a toss up - we're both sarcastic buttheads

Who makes the most mess? Me

Who has more tattoos? him by far

Better singer? LOL

Hogs the remote? neither of us really 

Better driver? hmm...interesting...i'd say we're even. though he's taken defensive driving classes through the Army so maybe him?

Spends the most? Him

Who is smarter: depends on the subject - we balance each other out 

Most common sense? I think we're pretty evenly matched here as well.

What are your middle names? Michael and Anne

Whose siblings do you see the most? Toss up

Do you have any children together? Melanie and Isabella

Did you go to the same school? Nope

Who is the most sensitive? Me.

Where do you eat out most as a couple? Mark's Feed Store

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together? Ireland

Who has the craziest exes? Me.

Who has the worst temper? We both can make each other pretty damn mad.

Who does the cooking? Me.

Who is more social? Him by 1049%

Who is the neat freak? Him

Who is the most stubborn? Me - I am a Taurus after all.

Who hogs the bed? HIM

Who wakes up earlier? depends on the day but usually me.

Where was your first date? chinese restaurant

Who has the bigger family? Him

Do you get flowers often? Not really

Who does the laundry? both of us - but obviously when he's gone - me.

Who's better with the computers? him

Who drives when you are together? Him 90% of the time

Who picks where you go to dinner? 50/50

Who wears the pants in the relationship? hmmmm....50/50

Who eats more sweets? Him

A blow with a word strikes deeper than a blow with a sword.

Isn't it funny the things that we remember? Such small, meaningless memories that take up space in our brains but yet sometimes we can't even recall what we had for breakfast.

I've talked about this before on social media but a memory that has stuck with me, for over 20 years now, is one of many times in grade school when a boy made a negative comment about my body.

As I've stated before, I went to Catholic school my entire life. Our classes were pretty small, about 21-24 students in my class each year but we only had 7 girls. We were definitely outnumbered by the boys and man, did we feel it. They were pretty horrible, pretty much all of the time. Some of them were even suspended in 6th grade for sexual harassment. 

I was in 5th grade and had just gotten a new pair of school pants. I remember standing in my parent's bathroom the night before school with them on and I was thinking to myself, hey I look pretty good in these pants. Those weren't thoughts that came to me very often so I was feeling pretty happy with and about myself.

The next morning came and feeling confident in my new navy uniform pants, I went to school. Of course no one noticed my new pants or cared but that was fine, I felt great. Then came the incident. The memory I have not been able to shake and think about far more often than I probably should. The teacher gave me graded papers to hand out and I was walking through the desks, placing papers on the appropriate desks when a boy, we'll call him, ynneK, moved past me in the aisle and said, "Move your fat ass out of my way." To say I was mind blown was an understatement. My feelings were beyond hurt but more than that, I felt shame. I had been so proud of my new pants and his statement brought me crashing down to Earth. No one had ever really commented on my weight or body before that day. At least not so blatantly. I wanted to shrink inside myself and just disappear. It made me go home and look at my body in a new light. I had never been overweight (except my chunky toddler years but hey I liked food, OK!), I was average height and weight for my age. After that I began weighing myself every single day. Looking back, I think the hatred for my own body, started that day. If someone that saw me every single day and knew me well said something that horrible to me, it had to be true, right? That's 10-11 year old logic for you. 

For the next few years, more and more comments like that were made. Thankfully, I don't remember many specifics these days but the feeling still sticks with me. It seems ridiculous, right? That was 20 years ago, I should just get over it but 5th grade is such a fragile age. You're just starting to grow out of our child's body and more into a young adult body. His comment just stuck to my soul like glue. Words are very powerful. The old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me," couldn't be more wrong. Words do hurt. They have the power to change lives, ruin lives and save lives. They can be the difference between someone laughing or crying. Being hurt or being happy. 

We have to be more cognizant of our words. They have more effect on people than we think. I'm living proof of what someone's words can do to someone. I'm sure we all are. I'm sure everyone has a similar story to mine. Maybe not the exact content but how someone's cruel words changed them. I wish that I could remember more of the good things that people have said to me over the years. In fact, I can and I will share it now so that this post ends on a positive note. 

In high school, I always sat with the same group of girls, pretty much all four years. I wish I could remember who said it to me, but my memory fails me. They told me that they liked my smile and that my smile displayed the perfect amount of teeth. Such a funny and random thing but it was genuine and made me feel good. 

I hope everyone is having a great Sunday. Choose your words carefully. Once they are spoken, they can never be taken back again. They can be only forgiven, not forgotten.

Love,

Emily

50 Happy Things

I saw a writing prompt that said to write at least 50 things that make you feel good. It's really in line with my attempt to focus more on the positive in 2017. So here goes, 50 things that make me feel good/happy. I'm not including family because that's a given.

1. putting on perfume

2. clean bed linens

3. going to sleep with no alarm set

4. travelling

5. burning candles

6. hearing my dogs do the content dog sigh

7. reading

8. watching christmas movies

9. putting a puzzle together

10. getting new makeup

11. getting 10k steps in a day

12. fresh hair cut and color

13. napping on the couch

14. getting flowers

15. giving people gifts

16. new socks

17. new yoga pants

18. new notebooks

19. new pens

20. bookstores

21. pulling off surprises

22. full tank of gas

23. getting my eyeliner right

24. laughing

25. napping while it's raining

26. trying new restaurants

27. catching all green lights

28. peeling the plastic off new electronics

29. super hot showers

30. lush bath bombs

31. dark chocolate

32. cheese - all of it. ALL OF THE CHEESE.

33. booking trips

34. the sound of the ocean

35. Harry Potter

36. The Aurora Teagarden movies

37. Murder She Baked Movies

38. fishing

39. the day Ryan gets back home

40. getting all 104 oz of my water in

41. mugs - i want all the cute mugs

42. Doctor Who

43. cookbooks

44. baking

45. sound of gravel crunching under my car's tires

46. fruit/farmers markets

47. colorful sunglasses

48. the hallmark channel

49. hershey's peppermint kisses

50. taking photos


And that's it...it's actually taken me a few weeks to write this entire post. It was more difficult than I thought. Hope you enjoyed.

Love,

Emily

Faith

My faith has been tested more lately than I can ever remember. I'm not a perfect Christian. I cuss like a sailor, I say the Lord's name in vain, I can be petty and immature. I can say hateful things - mostly about myself. I have a gross sense of humor, love trashy romance novels, metal music whose band symbol is an upside cross, have tattoos, purple hair and am super into the supernatural. All things that don't scream Christian. It says the opposite actually. And sometimes I don't even try to be a good Christian. I abandon my faith when it doesn't serve me like I want it to. I ask Why me? I've tried bargaining with God. I've tried making promises. I've tried saying what I think He wants me to say. I only came to Him when I felt troubled. I've gone through stages where I'm not even sure I believe in anything at all. I was born and raised Catholic, went to Catholic school my entire life. And even still, I doubted.

But lately? I've been humbled. None of this is in my control. And it's not my plan. I have gone to Church more in the last month than I have in the last two years. I light a prayer candle and pray with everything I have to just make it out OK. No more bargaining, no promise making. Just coming to the Lord with an open and humble heart, asking for His guidance and to accept His will, whatever it may be for me.

I've been broken down to the barest I've ever been. My pride has been pulverized. My nerves are raw, my emotions are high. I fight tears every moment of the day. Putting on an OK face for everyone becomes so tiring. My favorite part of every day is when I get to leave work, get in my car and cry. And showers, another time I can cry without anyone knowing.

St. Jude and St. Monica have become my best friends. I pray to them so much I'm sure they roll their heavenly eyes when they hear me start my novena. And things just seem to be getting worse. Nothing is changing. And this is where I would normally abandon my faith. I'm trying to believe that something greater is waiting and we have to go through this tribulation first. That there is a purpose to this suffering.

I don't talk about my faith to anyone. I'm not a religious pusher. I don't judge others beliefs and so I don't talk about mine.

I just had to get this out. It probably doesn't even make any sense but it's the thoughts that go through my head. Let go, and let God.

Love,

Emily

We are the weirdos, mister.

I picked up my camera today and took a few shots of things around the house. It's been so long since I used my camera that I could barely remember any of the settings and a lot of them came out blurry (i'm basically blind as a bat so focusing is not my strong suit) but here a few that I really liked...I also threw in a few photos from May-July 2016 that I found on my SD card.

Even though this is blurry, I still like it. This was taken at some airport between Louisville and Iceland.

From our summer photo shoot. 

My pretty girls.

Wheezy this morning. 

Our wise old wizard lady.

The floor by the fireplace.

Isabella placed this on our shelves before Christmas to remember those who couldn't be home for Christmas. 

My Scottish teacup.

All the doors in our house have this knob. But there's only one skeleton key left.

He was not having it this morning.

My newest mug. I'm obsessed.

Hope you enjoyed.

Love,

Emily